just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
