I need help removing her.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
