I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
