8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize