you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
