come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
