i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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