He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Success! We fucked roommates!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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