i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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