lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
