I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
