Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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