the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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