I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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