I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
