Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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