a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
