last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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