Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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