You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
