its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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