i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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