Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
