so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
