Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
