Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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