I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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