It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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