I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
