hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's like iHOP with fire
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
