Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
