I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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