Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
