ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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