were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize