one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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