i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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