in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
