I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
