I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
