my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
