Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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