Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
