Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
