She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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