I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
