she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
