You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
