can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize