i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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