why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
