it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
