one two three fourrrrnication!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
