I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
