Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
