Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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