His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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