Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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