DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
