If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
