Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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