you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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