You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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