The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
