You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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