well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
