Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
