Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i've created a new STD.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize