don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
