i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I cut my penus on the lid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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