I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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