Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
