did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize