the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
