at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
