I'm so fucking centered right now
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
