He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
