I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
