I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
