I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
