Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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