just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize