I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
