Is it because I queefed?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
